Fast 9: Review by @Kush_Hayes
Fast 9: The Fast Saga is what happens when you let momentum be corrupted for a reaction, and then listen to fan reaction… and then to be fair a global pandemic happened. Kush, what does that mean? Well, we were supposed to get the 9th installment of Fast and the Furious 2 years after the 2017 installment that was Fate of the Furious. So? Well, people really liked the dynamic between Dwayne The Rock Johnson and Jason Statham so much, we needed to push the release of the lynchpin in the series off by one year. Folks who have seen my review on 2019s Hobbs and Shaw, know that it was so much more than we asked it to be. At first this felt like a blessing for the producers of F9 as this would give them a whole extra year to enhance an already big project. And then COVID19 became a thing and we would have to wait a whole extra 16 months. I dont know that the extra time helped anyone.
Since we’re here, We learn more about the Toretto family back history we’ve always heard about casually over the last 20 years and we begin the film in 1989 presenting the movie in that style of filmstock we would have had in 1989. Its a neat effect. Unfortunately we see Papa Torreto die in a horrible ball of fire during a profession race. This is actually one of the best parts of the film. We then go to the present where Dom, Letty and Young Brian are on a farm far from society. Ludacris, Tyrese and Ramsey make an unexpected trip to the farm and everyone that Kurt Russel has most likely been murdered and they need to find his remains. Theres a MacGuffin to collect.
Just to speed things up, everyone goes on the mission except Brian and Mia, til Mia comes on the mission because long lost estranged brother John Cena is now in play. Just because we dont want to run long on this 2hr 23min blockbuster, the character of Jacob Torreto isnt bad, but John Cena is. He tries, but hes just too stiff and theres nothing you can do, theres no writing about Norse DNA you can insert that make anyone believe his performance. Again, the writing of this character isnt bad, but the performance is.
But when the writing really gets bad is when it took time to listen to fan requests.
Justice For Han? Ok, what if hes just alive… Because?
Fast and Furious in Space? Sure, but what if it was the realest yet fakest part? We didnt tell you how much into space we’d go.
Cardi B is a famous popstar, lets put her in this, just to make the story that much longer by 4 mins. And you still cant understand her.
Tyrese gets the most clarity in the film and reflects on whether or not the crew is invincible and gets into a whole ‘faith versus science’ mentality that gets buried with all the above and beyond the topness of this franchise.
Hey, what about those guys from Tokyo Drift? We could bring them in, right? Remember Bow Wow?!
Ultimately, my fav character, Han Seoul Oh, didnt need to be resurrected in this.
When we talked about Fast and Furious in Space, we wanted a Drag Race on the Moon.
Helen Mirran is a joy in everything but on extended the films run time and increased its budget.
Cardi B is still unintelligible and you put her in Jolly ol England.
Are we really to believe the Drift King of Tokyo became a balding middle aged assistant to some mad scientist?
For everyone who called these movies a cartoon, this movie has the most cartoonish moments.
Its such a degree that Universal has stopped placing the legal disclaimer of “Dont Do This At Home” because theres just no way to achieve any of this in real life.
Most of these moments take place in the trailer.
The moments that could be serious are overshadowed by so much. Han being alive should have been a surprise within the film as opposed to its promotion.
However it still would have been, stupid.
This movie is already a global hit three weeks before this review was composed. There will be a Fast and Furious 10. Its been announced, during production of this film. What they do, I dont know. Probably introduce a whole new crew that’ll take the franchise further. Theres already an animated spinoff series on Netflix, why not them?
Two Blueberries out of Five.
Rated PG-13 for sequences of violence and action, and language
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