Blumhouses Fantasy Island: Review by @Kush_Hayes
I was maybe 7 years old when the first incarnation of Aaron Spellings Fantasy Island had been cancelled, and while I know I had seen episodes despite being up well past my bedtime, I didnt really have a concept of what the show was. Everyone knew Mr Rourke. Everyone knew Tattoo as well as his catch phrase “Da Plane Boss, Da Plane!”. And everyone knew much like The Love Boat just one hour prior, each week there would be a new cast of characters looking to live out their wildest fantasies. Of course I was too young to process that, as well as too young to understand what an anthology of stories even was. And then just before we entered the 21st century ABC tried to reboot the series with Malcolm McDowell, promoting it more as intense fantasy drama mixed with some Twilight Zone. It would be cancelled after one season.
Now in 2020, and despite having a successful TV department, Blumhouse has attained the rights to make a movie based on Fantasy Island… or have they as this movie is officially titled “Blumhouses Fantasy Island”. I dont know why this isnt just a new tv series on Hulu. Again with what little I remember about a tv series from 35 years ago, this hits all the points of the formula in a modern day setting. We meet a cop who has something to prove to himself. One girl was bullied growing up and now wants revenge. Two brothers are looking to just party. One woman, played by Maggie Q, is looking to relive her first love. Or is that what they all want? - It is the mystery of The Island. - Please imagine I made a Ricardo Montlebon impression on that last sentence. And they are all allowed their fantasies, however they are not guaranteed to go how they envisioned, which doesnt make for much of a fantasy.
The Brothers get to live out their hedonistic desires and then that goes negative. The Cop has not only traveled back in time but in space as well as he is reunited with his father days before his death. The girl, thinking its all just a gimmick or parlor trick, is escorted to a torture chamber where she finds her subject to be her main antagonist from high school. And of course things get complicated. And then Maggie Q, who is also skeptical realist, quickly becomes a believer due to her fantasy only getting better, remains the reaslist and sacrifices her happiness to re correct an event where people died. This event, also taking place in the past away from the island, actually involved many familiar faces. And then this movie just drags on another 35 minutes.
This movie, because of its producers is being marketed as a horror film, and while there are horrific elements, such as a torture chamber, this isnt any more of a horror story than any of 154 episodes of the original series from the 70s and 80s. Its PG13, theres lots of hot chicks in tiny bikinis, buff dudes in tiny shorts, one dude holds a bong, one girl aggressively drinks alcohol with both hands, some violence, but very little cgi blood that because “Fantasy Island” is usually a black ooze.
Jimmy O. Yang brings the comedy but I feel his work suffers to bad edits. Maggie Q is channeling her best Meryl Streep, but her work suffers from a bad script. Portia Doubleday from Mr Robot, I actually related with the most as her character is just reacting and along with the audience asking “why?” repeatedly. Lucy Hale who Im seeing for the first time, I imagine they told her to go “big” and she went with “gigantic” because she is all over the top, which I guess is good for this movie. Michael Pena, youre happy to see him there, but through no fault of his own, provides nothing in this movie even with the shoehorned in secret motivation.
As stated above, I dont know why this wasnt the pilot for a TV series. I dont know why it needed to be 1 hour and 50 minutes. It should be 30 minutes shorter. I left with more questions than answers. Very beautiful flyovers of Fiji. But not enough to convince me to tell you to see this in the theater.
Two out of Five Blueberries
Rated PG-13 for violence, terror, drug content, suggestive material and brief strong language
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